"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
