if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
