I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
