Apparently you make a good broom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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