We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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