I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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