i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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