Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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