New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
