Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize