There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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