If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
