just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
