Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
