She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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