i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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