My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
