Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
