Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
