What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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