so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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