Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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