Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
