I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
