Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
