You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize