we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
