the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
