It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
