so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
