my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
