I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
