I got chris browned last night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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