i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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