Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and she was petting her beer can
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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