i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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