Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
