and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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