For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
