I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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