Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
