Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize