shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i think i just lost a toe
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
