My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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