i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
