I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
