Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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