shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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