I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
