i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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