I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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