some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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