Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
