Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
