There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
