So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
