fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
