The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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