So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
