I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
