I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
