the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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