you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
