Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
