youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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