I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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