WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
