I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish i was in the wii world.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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