Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
