Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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