Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
