are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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